Memory questions for couples

What makes a question fair

• One right answer. “Where did we first meet?” has one. “What do you love about me?” has hundreds.
• Only the two of you know it. If a friend, a sibling or anyone scrolling your photos could guess it, pick another.
• The answer stays the same. Ask about something that happened, not about a favourite that might change next year.
• A word or two. “Mamak” and “Pavilion” are easy to type. A whole sentence is easy to get slightly wrong.

First meetings

1. Where did we first meet?
2. Which friend introduced us?
3. What month did we first meet?
4. What did we eat on our first date?
5. Which film did we watch on our first date?
6. Where did you first message me?
7. What did you call me before you knew my name?
8. Who paid on our first date?
9. What was the weather the day we met?

Small habits

1. What do I always order at the mamak?
2. How do I take my coffee?
3. What do I always lose?
4. What do I call you when I want something?
5. What do I buy at every petrol station?
6. Which show do we always fall asleep to?
7. What word do I say too often?
8. What do I do first when I get home?
9. Which seat do I always take?

Places

1. Which beach did we first go to together?
2. Where did we get engaged?
3. Which mall did we walk around every weekend?
4. Which station did we always meet at?
5. Which city did we first live in together?
6. Which kopitiam is ours?
7. Where did we have our first real argument?
8. What was the name of our first street?
9. Where did we sit to watch the fireworks?

Food

1. What did I cook for you the first time?
2. Which dish did I burn?
3. What is our late-night food?
4. What is our sorry food?
5. What do we always share and never finish?
6. Which fruit will I never eat?
7. What did we drink on our first date?
8. Which dish do you always ask my mother to cook?
9. What did we eat after the wedding, when everyone had gone?

Travel

1. Where was our first trip together?
2. Which airport were we stuck in?
3. What did we forget to pack?
4. Which island did we take the ferry to?
5. Where did we watch the sunrise?
6. What did we buy on holiday and never use?
7. Which city made us both sick?
8. Which place we stayed in had the broken aircon?
9. Which country stamp did we get first?

Hard times

Gentle ones. Choose a memory you both look back on with some warmth.

1. What did you bring me in hospital?
2. Who drove us home when the car broke down?
3. What did we eat at the end of the month when money was tight?
4. Which friend let us stay with them?
5. What did we name the plant that survived?
6. Where did we go after the job I did not get?
7. What did you make me the night I could not stop crying?
8. Which song got us through that year?

Long distance

1. Which city were you in when we were apart?
2. How many hours ahead were you?
3. Which airport did we keep saying goodbye at?
4. What was in the first parcel you sent me?
5. What did we watch together over video call?
6. What did you always say before hanging up?
7. What were we counting the days to?
8. What did you bring me from where you were?
9. Which app did we call on every night?

Family, Raya and the holidays

1. Which kuih do I finish first at Raya?
2. Whose house do we visit first on Raya morning?
3. What does my mother call you?
4. What colour were our first matching Raya clothes?
5. What did we bring my family on our first Raya together?
6. What does Lola always cook for Noche Buena?
7. Who hid the last piece of cake at Christmas?
8. What did you call my father the first time you met him?
9. Which uncle always falls asleep after lunch?

Anniversaries

1. Where was our first anniversary dinner?
2. What did I give you on our first anniversary?
3. Which month did we get married?
4. Which number do we use for everything?
5. Who forgot our first monthsary?
6. What was the song at our wedding?
7. Where did we take our wedding photos?
8. Who cried first at our wedding?
9. What did we eat on our first anniversary?

Questions to avoid

• “What is my favourite song?” Favourites change. Ask about a song tied to one day instead.
• “What is my IC number?” or “What is my password?” Never put an ID number, a password, a PIN or a bank detail behind a gift page.
• “What is my mother's maiden name?” Banks use it as a security question. Keep it out of gifts.
• “When is my birthday?” Too many people know it, and dates can be typed in a dozen ways.
• “Do you love me?” Anyone can type yes.

Write a hint that points, not tells

A hint should help your person find the memory, then let them remember the answer. Name the scene, not the word.

• Question: Where did we first meet? Hint: It rained and you lent me your umbrella.

• Question: What is our sorry food? Hint: The stall that closes at 2am.

• Question: Which station did we always meet at? Hint: The one with the long escalator.

Add the other ways they might spell it

On a Lockette card, capital letters, spaces, accents and one small typo are forgiven, and so are little words like “the”, “at”, “di” and “kat”. So “At the Pavilion” and “pavilion” both open the page.

Spellings that are really different words are yours to add as extra accepted answers. Think about how your person types:

• Two names for one place: Penang and Pulau Pinang, KL and Kuala Lumpur, BGC and Bonifacio.
• Short forms: Pavilion and Pav, McDonald's and McD, Jollibee and Jabee.
• Numbers as digits and words: 3 and three, tiga and 3.
• English and BM or Tagalog: rain and hujan, beach and pantai.